Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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