Swine flu. Run for my life!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
