Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize