i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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