First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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