i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it hurts more in the daytime
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
