and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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