1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish they made helmets for livers.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
