I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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