the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
