Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
