I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
