i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize