I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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