I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
