Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
