why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
