I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
