can u get pink eye on your cock?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
