the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
don't judge my taste in strippers
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
