Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I want is dick and wine.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
