I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
