This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
