Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
