I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
