My sheets look like a crime scene.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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