We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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