We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
