finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
