How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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