I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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