my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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