I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
