Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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