Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
