How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
