go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
