Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all

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(636): View more from Missouri

we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"

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(505): View more from New Mexico

so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment

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(404): View more from Georgia

He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.

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(407): View more from Florida

Blood and glitter go together right?

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(440): View more from Ohio

They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Are you ok?!

(618): View more from Illinois

I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.

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(216): View more from Ohio

You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason

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