no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
