Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
