i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
