$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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