ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
