Cold hands, warm shart.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
