if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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