Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
