WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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