honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
