the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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