She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
