OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize