Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize