Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
