well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You are the jesus of drinking
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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