She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
