did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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