Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
