Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
