i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
