My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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