if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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