Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
