I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
