Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize