On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
