Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
