Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't deserve a penis
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
