We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
