Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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