dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
