thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize