are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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