I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
