Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
