Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
