I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
