I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
