Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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