I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
