when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
