im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
