I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
