You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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