Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
