Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
