God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
