Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
