Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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