threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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