So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
there is glitter all over my balls
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize