just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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