Im at strip club and am horny
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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