she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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