dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
