I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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