Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my being single is dangerous.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
