theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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