Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Can Purell be used as lube?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
