fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
