I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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