Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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