I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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