is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Two words: nipple clamps
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