Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
