Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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