When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize