I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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