First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
