don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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